3 Lessons that "Self-Love" February Has Taught Me

At the beginning of the month, I declared that this month would be filled with love for myself. At first, it was to break past my fear of being seen on camera due to stupid ego things, such as having a shitty background, having too much background noise, and low video quality from only owning the webcam that's prebuilt into the laptop. As the month went on though, I found that loving myself was much more than just getting on camera. Here's what I've learned:

SAYING NO ISN'T THAT BAD

I've always feared letting people down and saying no because of two reasons: 1) I don't like starting problems and having people go into negative-mode due to my actions, and 2) I have all the fucking guilt when it happens. But this month, I've learned to say no to things that are mundane and setting me back when I should be pushing forward. Did it has a riot? Pretty much. Did I feel like shit? Pretty much....but only for like two minutes. Then I got my shit together and realized that the day was still brewing and time wasn't stopping, so I put myself to good use and literally that guilt just went right out the fucking window. I felt empowered, in control. I felt like I actually fucking exalted myself. What I've always feared lasted two minutes. TWO. MINUTES. That's it. Not all week, not all day, not even half an hour. TWO. MINUTES. If I can get past something trivial in two minutes, I can conquer literally anything once I put up that boundary of sunshine and fulfillment. 

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY

This. This is huge! Like, truly. Of course we all deserve to be invested in, with both time and money. But this held me back for SO long. It was always about the money. "How am I going to present my services so that it will be accessible and suitable for every single person ever?" Nah, son, nah. I've learned that when I reach the right people, the money will come. Yes, I've been planning my services because you can't just throw shit together in two seconds and be prepared for your life to change, or your clients' lives for that matter. But when I was reaching the right people recently that I've needed to reach, I felt this huge tug in my soul that it was my purpose. I've learned what feels right and what feels wrong, which leads me to point #3.

IT'S OKAY TO CHANGE YOUR MIND

Oh boy. This one. This one was hard to swallow. It does apply to anything, but the focus here is this today: I changed my mind on investing in a $2500 coaching program. It wasn't because of the money. Even though I only saved a little over $100 for it so far, I was still determined to invest in that program. It would just "take a while." I kept telling myself that I needed this program because it sounded so beneficial. And I'm sure I would have learned a thing or two from it. Hell, maybe even all of it would have taught me something. But here's the thing. I know I need to invest in myself. That's a given. You can't live off of free things forever. But when you've been feeling, in your gut, that it's not what you truly desire, that's a fucking sign. I kept pushing through that feeling, telling myself it's worth it. And then I had the second discovery call with this person, and I realized that what I would have gotten out of the program wouldn't have been me. It's a lifestyle that some people dream of and never think they'll have. But me? I didn't want that same lifestyle. I actually got a bad vibe from this program, which seems so impossible to believe because of the structure. So I told myself that I'm no longer investing in this program and that I'll invest in someone else, in which I already have been lingering on anyways (who gives me a fantastic vibe!). Since I've made that decision, I've felt liberated, happier, more focused and less stressed. It's okay to change my mind. And it's okay to change yours too, especially if you're getting some not-so-great vibes.

Want to know what kind of love you can give yourself in the month of love? Check out these three lessons I've learned.

What are some things you've learned this month? If nothing, do any of these three things resonate with you? Comment below and let me know!

3 Messages From Eros This Valentine's Day

Scroll down for the text counterpart, if you'd rather read the article instead of watching the video.

I see February as the month of love, because Valentine's Day is associated with it and the whole of the month is consumed by this day. So while this isn't posted exactly on Valentine's Day, I have received a message from Eros. Eros is the Greek god of love (among other things, but we'll just focus on love) and he has been one of the deities I've honored since I've involved myself in polytheism. He's one of the deities that stays quiet and only appears when I truly need him, so he's not referenced very often. But this month, I feel him so close and so strong pushing me to tell his messages. So without further ado, there are three things he needs me say on his behalf:

LOVE YOURSELF

Valentine's Day is usually meant to show others how much you love them, or that you love them at all, but I personally find (and Eros has confirmed he believes this also) that it's becoming too consumerist and it's losing all meaning. However, when you take the time to step back and not focus on others, but focus on yourself, it brings the holiday, or even the whole month, into a new light. Self-love and self-acceptance are SOOOO important and this is truly the first step you need to take before showing others the love and compassion that they deserve. If you don't love yourself, the world and universe is going to pick that up and shove that same energy at you, too. The best way to love yourself, aside from spa retreats and a bottle of wine occasionally, is to not take any major shit. If something is really, truly bringing you down, you need to let that shit go.

LOVE YOUR PARTNER/CHILDREN/FAMILY

I know, it's hard sometimes. You have your partner complaining that there's nothing to eat, when there really is. You have a two-year-old freaking out that Paw Patrol is over. You have family members telling you that they think you should be doing X, Y, and Z. It's really annoying. I would know, I go through it on a daily basis. But while I said to take no shit, there has to be a level of sympathy as well. You can't just cut everyone out of your life because you don't like what they're doing when it's so mundane. EVERY partner has complained about something. EVERY child has thrown a tantrum. And EVERY family has had a member, or two, or ten, that has put their two cents in. So while you may need to step away sometimes, it's also really fucking important that you show these people in your life some love, even when it feels dreaded.

LOVE STRANGERS

This one gets trickier because it can vary from your neighbor, to someone you see at CVS, to that one person that's on their phone cutting everyone off in traffic. Let's start with the neighbor. They're blaring music until 3 am on a nightly basis, and then blares their music in their car when they leave as well. You're annoyed. You're just about ready to call the cops because of public disturbance. But wait, before you do that...have you tried talking to them? Make a batch of cookies, or brownies, or spaghetti..whatever you want..and go ring their fucking doorbell and say, "Hey, I brought you some goodies, do you mind if we have a quick chat?" and then gently ask them why they prefer to have their music as loud as it is. I guarantee you about half of them have some shit going on that they're just trying to get through. And that music has saved their sanity, helped them cope, or even saved their life. Next is the person at CVS that's holding up the whole line because of the ridiculous amount of coupons they have. But before you jump right into judging them for being "snobs," have you considered that they are broke and are trying to save as much money as they can to buy all the essentials they need? Lastly, that pesky driver on the freeway. Now, I'm not excusing being a terrible driver at all and you shouldn't be cutting off anyone for any reason other than an emergency, in which case, more than likely you'd need an ambulance anyways. BUT, there may be that one person out there who is talking to their wife who's delivering a baby and they are rushing to get there. Or maybe they are rushing home because their family is in danger and got a phone call from the person holding them hostage. Is it likely? Not really. Is it possible? Entirely. Or maybe none of these people have anything wrong and they are just nuisances. Guess what? You should love them then, too. I know the world can be terrible and we're all very quick to judge, but we should still all still love others, regardless if they are pains in our asses or not.

This month, I'm making sure I'm self-loving by taking one of my fears and working past them, so that the fear no longer controls me. What is something you don't like about yourself, or that you're afraid of, and you're ready to let it go? Comment below.

Three messages you need to hear from Eros this month

A Different Approach to Using Crystals + Gemstones

Crystals and gemstones are a huge topic in the spiritual community right now. There are sooooo many and a ton of associations with each one. They're used for their color associations, their metaphysical properties, or just as accent pieces for stock photos. They're helpful for the body, dealing with physical pain or discomfort. They're an aid for the mind, helping with struggles such as depression and anxiety. And they're a perfect tool for the soul, in which they clear and balance chakras and deal with transformative mindset shifts. They're all the rage.

But I don't go by their associations. If I think a crystal is pretty, and I really like it, then I want it. I don't really take its traditional association to mind because I believe that you are attracted to things that either aid you in life or transform you in life. It's always a wise idea to get the base meaning of the stone, just so you do actually have something to go off of, but I don't really take those meanings to heart. This is because I intuitively feel the energy of the stone and see what buzzwords come up for me personally. For example, carnelian is a great stone because I actually do associate it with its traditional meanings: willpower, courage, motivation. However, citrine is different. Citrine is known for its ability to enhance clarity and vitality. I can slightly associate it with clarity, and maybe even vitality, but I will more than likely never use it for either of those. I associate it with inspiration, creativity and determination, because those are what the citrine makes me strive towards. When I have one around, I feel more creative and determined, but not necessarily super energized.

Obviously, though, if a stone has a property that has actual provable effects, then I will not disregard those associations. For example, I recently learned about Shungite and how it absorbs electromagnetic waves from electronic devices so that you aren't absorbing them as much, which makes them great to use around your laptop or cell phone. Since this is a scientific, notable effect, then I will always associate Shungite with absorbing electromagnetic waves.

What do you think about crystals and gemstones? Do you work with them? Let me know below.

Using crystals and gemstones in your practice doesn't have to equate to traditional meanings. A different approach is needed!

I'm Trying Something Different This January - Word & Card of the Year

Well, 2018 is here. Happy New Year! Instead of writing this post on the first or second, I decided to keep things consistent with my schedule. This is the post where I usually tell you that I've made resolutions and then tell you those resolutions, but let's be honest, I never complete resolutions. So I'm trying something new this year. I'm assigning myself a word of the year. Yes it's a trend, and yes it's annoying, but it's something I've never tried nor had a desire to, until things weren't working out. Goals? They never get done. Maybe I haven't found my way of setting goals yet, but one thing I know is that if I have a central focus point, I can break that down to fulfill that word nicely. And so my word of the year is...

MOTIVATION

Motivation is something I need like I need water. Without motivation, you bet your ass I'm going to have a hard time getting anything done. And last year, I accomplished nothing. Sure, I got a few more subscribers. Sure, I got my newsletter automation and opt-in setup. Sure, I started making Instagram Stories. Sure, my blog finally narrowed down its niche and got the appearance that took me years to settle on. That's all fine and dandy, but after all that, I still have very few subscribers (though more than last year...I was at a big fat 0), no sales pages set up, no strategy, and no income still. The underlying reason I had no results was a lack of motivation. Sure, fear was involved too, but I wasn't too scared to conquer fears...I was too unmotivated. I wanted to sleep all the time, I wanted to play video games constantly. I wanted to watch tv, I wanted to eat a lot, and I wanted to wallow in social media all day. This isn't to say I have no passion for my work. I have a strong passion for my work and my blog, I just didn't have the willpower. It's as if I expected blog posts to be written for me magically, for people to seek me out on their own without any promotion or marketing, and so on. I was hoping and wishing for results without any effort. And some things didn't get done because of fear, but most of my (lack of) results came from not being motivated. So this year, in my bullet journal, I've taken two pages for this word of the year.

hazygreenroad-bullet-journal-motivation-word-of-the-year-2018

The first page has the actual word and a reminder to be my own motivation, because motivation doesn't come freely. Then it also has that word in several different languages, because who doesn't like learning new languages? On the second page, it's split in half. The top half is what I need to be more motivated in, in both business and personal life. The bottom half is how I'm going to get myself motivated to get those things done, again in each category. Having it written in my bullet journal and bookmarked is a nice way to be able to easily access it and see it as a reminder of what I need to do to get myself to that state. I'm hoping I like this idea, truly!

That said, another "tradition" I'm breaking is the 12-month card reading forecast. Twelve months in advance is too far away. Many things can change. Therefore, I'm providing myself with one card that can help me reach my "goal" of being motivated this year. And I pulled the Star, from the Smith-Waite Centennial deck. 

hazygreenroad-star-tarot-card-of-the-year-2018-smith-waite-centennial

The Star is a great card to help me motivate myself, because it provides hope and renewal, saying that I'm able to fulfill my mission of becoming a motivated human being this year. It's also a source of encouragement. It not only says, "Hey, things aren't going to be perfect, but it'll be okay," but also says, "You can totally fucking do this!" And that's what I need, something to push me along, and to hold me accountable.

Are you trying out a word of the year, or even a card of the year? Let me know below!

Wanna break New Years traditions? Try this!

What This Holiday Season Taught Me About Expectations

This year, I knew that the winter holidays would be different because of things I've learned about and practiced this year. These include things like mindfulness and hygge. Every year, I'm so ready for peppermint mocha drinks, candy canes and Christmas music by September or November, but then by mid-December, I'd ready for it all to go away. This year, I told myself that I would not even think about anything Christmas-related until December hit so that I can savor the enjoyment even more. 

Well, December got here and I wasn't in the holiday spirit still. I passed it off with, "Well there's no snow so Christmas music just isn't enjoyable without the snow." This wasn't the case. Of course, snow made Christmas music a little more enjoyable because the songs resonated more, but wanting hot cocoa, fuzzy socks and feeling very hyggelic was just not the case at all. 

What I presume happened was: since I forced myself to hold off on the holiday vibes, I literally forced it away for the rest of the holidays. I've heard about the act of mindfulness and how it's best to keep everything seasonal, so it's better enjoyed. For example, staying away from pumpkin pies until Autumn hits because let's be honest, pumpkin pie in the summer just isn't the same as it is in the Fall. For the sake of living mindfully and trying out the whole hygge thing, I kept away from everything Christmasy until December, just so that I could really keep things magical this year. But like I said, it never showed up once I was ready. 

What I really think is important is to let things flow in this case. Because I didn't let my natural enjoyment and desire to manifest when I was "ready" for it, the universe took that as a sign that I didn't want to be in the holiday spirit at all. Obviously, this wasn't the case...I was only trying out a trend. And that's okay. That's part of life and experimentation. However, when you have to force something out of the concern of a trend, or a lifestyle choice of others, it's not authentic, and it's not real for you. I was hoping that I would be prancing around, dancing to Christmas jams, making hot cocoa every day, and watching holiday films once a week. None of that happened. And I'm definitely not complaining. It was a fantastic Christmas, mood-wise. But it wasn't magical. There were no "cherished moments" that Christmas is associated with. 

What I've learned is that some things have their own time and place. But being in the Christmas mood before December does not hurt anything. I've had good Christmases before this one that where I was ready for Christmas music and snow to be gone before the holiday arrived. This year was an experiment, and I have to admit that I don't like it. I do like the act of mindfulness in everyday life, like questioning your buying choices, thinking properyl about the foods you eat, and so on. But holding off on foods and drinks, music, movies, and other things that are associated with a holiday is not always the best choice for everyone. It didn't ruin Christmas, but it forced the magic out of it.

how mindfulness and hygge went wrong