At the beginning of the month, I declared that this month would be filled with love for myself. At first, it was to break past my fear of being seen on camera due to stupid ego things, such as having a shitty background, having too much background noise, and low video quality from only owning the webcam that's prebuilt into the laptop. As the month went on though, I found that loving myself was much more than just getting on camera. Here's what I've learned:
SAYING NO ISN'T THAT BAD
I've always feared letting people down and saying no because of two reasons: 1) I don't like starting problems and having people go into negative-mode due to my actions, and 2) I have all the fucking guilt when it happens. But this month, I've learned to say no to things that are mundane and setting me back when I should be pushing forward. Did it has a riot? Pretty much. Did I feel like shit? Pretty much....but only for like two minutes. Then I got my shit together and realized that the day was still brewing and time wasn't stopping, so I put myself to good use and literally that guilt just went right out the fucking window. I felt empowered, in control. I felt like I actually fucking exalted myself. What I've always feared lasted two minutes. TWO. MINUTES. That's it. Not all week, not all day, not even half an hour. TWO. MINUTES. If I can get past something trivial in two minutes, I can conquer literally anything once I put up that boundary of sunshine and fulfillment.
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY
This. This is huge! Like, truly. Of course we all deserve to be invested in, with both time and money. But this held me back for SO long. It was always about the money. "How am I going to present my services so that it will be accessible and suitable for every single person ever?" Nah, son, nah. I've learned that when I reach the right people, the money will come. Yes, I've been planning my services because you can't just throw shit together in two seconds and be prepared for your life to change, or your clients' lives for that matter. But when I was reaching the right people recently that I've needed to reach, I felt this huge tug in my soul that it was my purpose. I've learned what feels right and what feels wrong, which leads me to point #3.
IT'S OKAY TO CHANGE YOUR MIND
Oh boy. This one. This one was hard to swallow. It does apply to anything, but the focus here is this today: I changed my mind on investing in a $2500 coaching program. It wasn't because of the money. Even though I only saved a little over $100 for it so far, I was still determined to invest in that program. It would just "take a while." I kept telling myself that I needed this program because it sounded so beneficial. And I'm sure I would have learned a thing or two from it. Hell, maybe even all of it would have taught me something. But here's the thing. I know I need to invest in myself. That's a given. You can't live off of free things forever. But when you've been feeling, in your gut, that it's not what you truly desire, that's a fucking sign. I kept pushing through that feeling, telling myself it's worth it. And then I had the second discovery call with this person, and I realized that what I would have gotten out of the program wouldn't have been me. It's a lifestyle that some people dream of and never think they'll have. But me? I didn't want that same lifestyle. I actually got a bad vibe from this program, which seems so impossible to believe because of the structure. So I told myself that I'm no longer investing in this program and that I'll invest in someone else, in which I already have been lingering on anyways (who gives me a fantastic vibe!). Since I've made that decision, I've felt liberated, happier, more focused and less stressed. It's okay to change my mind. And it's okay to change yours too, especially if you're getting some not-so-great vibes.